OMG, what a walk down memory lane. I don't dwell on this stuff much, but purity culture set me up for a lot of messy untangling in midlife, even as a guy. Add to that the fact that intersectional feminists have bought into many of the "prudish church lady" vibes in how they police heterosexual men's sexuality, and it's all very depressing.
NGL, this line cracked me up: "Nobody from the Christian and Missionary Alliance knows how to dance." True.
Terrific work, Georgi. I’m a 38 year old guy raised in a somewhat similar culture you describe. It worked out for me, but I see clearly what you’re describing in many Christian communities. This stuff is damaging. Good for you being open and talking about it.
I went through this too, but in the Orthodox Church. Honestly, at this point I think modesty/purity culture is primarily being taught because it’s a way for the over-the-hill women to “virtuously” sabotage the women who’ve still “got it.”
That would be sad. They're in totally different generations though. I'd hazard a guess it's more like a subconscious, "I went through this phase of sexual repression, so you should have to, too. That's just how God designed it."
I don’t know how conscious it is on their parts either. There’s a palpable contempt whenever a young woman manages to score a husband that doesn’t manifest when a guy persuades his girlfriend to convert and marry him. It made my own wedding into a nightmare for me, although it superficially went well. Yeah, I’ve got a grudge.
Fascinating piece, especially as someone who grew up Pentecostal. I'm curious, though: what's the happy medium between total sexual repression and destructive hypersexualization? By definition it's got to be there; how do we get to it?
Great question. I would say that instead of repeatedly tranquilizing sexuality to the point where it might as well be dead, we instead walk it out into the world on a short leash with our wits about us. This is *more difficult,* but I believe more rewarding.
I still believe in biblical sexuality--intimacy is between one man and one wife in marriage. I just don't believe purity culture flows naturally from that point; it is instead man-made legalism with all the attendant consequences legalism brings.
Has this purity culture changed at all in light of the emergence of the pronouns and "trans" ideology in the last decade or so? Or in light of lockdowns and forced masking?
No, I don't think it would have had any effect. I think any decline in purity culture has been due to its worst victims speaking out. We ran the cycle for a generation (much like lockdowns), and found out it's pretty problematic.
OMG, what a walk down memory lane. I don't dwell on this stuff much, but purity culture set me up for a lot of messy untangling in midlife, even as a guy. Add to that the fact that intersectional feminists have bought into many of the "prudish church lady" vibes in how they police heterosexual men's sexuality, and it's all very depressing.
NGL, this line cracked me up: "Nobody from the Christian and Missionary Alliance knows how to dance." True.
Why can't Southern Baptists have sex standing up? It might turn into dancing.
This guy. This guy over here. Funny guy. Would watch his standup.
If only I had the time to hit amateur night. In the meantime, I'm forced to go online once I've used all my jokes on my wife.
I’m probably 20 years older than you, and this makes me glad that I grew up when I did. We had our own issues, but this was not one of them.
Terrific work, Georgi. I’m a 38 year old guy raised in a somewhat similar culture you describe. It worked out for me, but I see clearly what you’re describing in many Christian communities. This stuff is damaging. Good for you being open and talking about it.
Thank you very much for reading and adding your voice to this, JE.
Yes, I think you are onto something. It rings true in my experience.
I went through this too, but in the Orthodox Church. Honestly, at this point I think modesty/purity culture is primarily being taught because it’s a way for the over-the-hill women to “virtuously” sabotage the women who’ve still “got it.”
That would be sad. They're in totally different generations though. I'd hazard a guess it's more like a subconscious, "I went through this phase of sexual repression, so you should have to, too. That's just how God designed it."
I don’t know how conscious it is on their parts either. There’s a palpable contempt whenever a young woman manages to score a husband that doesn’t manifest when a guy persuades his girlfriend to convert and marry him. It made my own wedding into a nightmare for me, although it superficially went well. Yeah, I’ve got a grudge.
Oh no! Frenemies?
Fascinating piece, especially as someone who grew up Pentecostal. I'm curious, though: what's the happy medium between total sexual repression and destructive hypersexualization? By definition it's got to be there; how do we get to it?
Great question. I would say that instead of repeatedly tranquilizing sexuality to the point where it might as well be dead, we instead walk it out into the world on a short leash with our wits about us. This is *more difficult,* but I believe more rewarding.
I still believe in biblical sexuality--intimacy is between one man and one wife in marriage. I just don't believe purity culture flows naturally from that point; it is instead man-made legalism with all the attendant consequences legalism brings.
Thanks for your thoughtful response!
Has this purity culture changed at all in light of the emergence of the pronouns and "trans" ideology in the last decade or so? Or in light of lockdowns and forced masking?
No, I don't think it would have had any effect. I think any decline in purity culture has been due to its worst victims speaking out. We ran the cycle for a generation (much like lockdowns), and found out it's pretty problematic.